Sunday 30 July 2017

Wondering how horses can help us with developing our emotional intelligence ?


Its not new information that horses are a highly sensitive and intelligent species, interestingly however they also have a magnificent ability to tune into their surroundings . It goes without saying as a prey animal , this instinct is imperative for their survival in the wild. The ability to read and analyse stimuli for danger quickly and accurately has served this species well for thousands of years. 


The fact horses can read the facial expressions of another species is a pretty big deal.

It is because of this very unique ability that humans are still drawn to horses, and a big part why these animals continue to play an extremely beneficial role. In a fast paced world that has long outdated the need for the horses more traditional role where they were harnessed for speed and power, we are discovering a deeper more sophisticated role for horses where we not only embrace their presence but can learn and grow with them. 

Wondering how horses can help us with developing our emotional intelligence..... A new study talks about the fascinating way a horse reacts when it knows you’re angry.study It shares some amazing insights into understanding how horses can read our emotions much better we think. Its all about understanding how the right and left brain works 

The research isn't just cool — it uncovered a big "first." And it says a lot about how emotionally intelligent horses actually are.
 Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness

Sunday 19 March 2017

Self-abandonment does it affect your ability to receive love

If you love with all your heart, you put unconditional pure love and intention out there with the hope of it reaching a soul mate, but they are not open and willing to accepting that love, can love still exist? 

It seems that any chance of a connection appears limited or blocked in someway by the unacceptance of love , not matter how much is offered. Weather this be a conscious or subconscious choice, one cannot create love if one does not first accept it.  If this is true can we then suggest that love must come first from the self? 



Take the following extract on self-abandonment written by  Dr. Margaret Paul

When we are disconnected from ourselves — from who we really are and from our feelings — and when we are not filling ourselves with love through our spiritual connection, we create a black hole within. The black hole we’ve created through our self-abandonment becomes like a vacuum, trying to pull love from others. This neediness tends to push people away, so we end up feeling even more unloved.
If you feel alone, empty, anxious, depressed, hurt, angry, jealous, sad, fearful, guilty or shamed, you are likely abandoning yourself.
What can someone feeling like this or experiencing this do to gain new insights, to remind yourself of the things you had forgotten how do you reclaim yourself?  Perhaps revisit old places and discover something you hadn’t previously noticed, take a fresh look on everything that you have in your life, find new ways to experience joy, spend time to discover who you are through self-reflection. Whatever it is, I believe this process of discovery is one that requires you to open not just your mind but your heart.
What is love .......
The following explanation from psychology today talks about what love is and what it isn't.

Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, agenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.

Is this why we can still love someone who has caused us pain, or someone who behaves in ways that are contrary to our personal morals and beliefs? Perhaps this is why we might find solace in telling ourselves “don’t hate the person, hate the behavior”. Is it because love is actually separate to behaviour….. and has an existence of its own. Perhaps this is why sometimes it doesn’t matter what happens to us, when we have a connection that love knows under its own law, maybe we bound by it....maybe love doesn’t happen to us …but for us. 
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Wednesday 26 October 2016

How to create Richer Relationships, Five Goals in communicating emotions


Identifying emotions and their impact can be an extremely effective way to create richer and more amicable relationships in our everyday lives.

A simple way to start is to just become aware of our emotions, where specifically do you experience emotions , in what part of your body ? How does it feel ? For example
  •  ''butterflies'' and churning in the stomach
  •  stiffness: tight muscles and tension in neck, shoulders, jaw, chest
  • headache

What effect do emotions have on the outcomes of our everyday activities , do our emotions change the way we react to a certain situation. Does it cause our attention to shift away from the issue and toward the emotion. Perhaps it  inhibits listening and expression of concerns , or  leads to suppression and avoidance of the issue because it's too uncomfortable.

I am sure there has been a time in your life when your emotions were overwhelming , what happened then ? Did your emotions take over, were you screaming , crying , perhaps your were physically or verbally violent to people you care about.

What are emotions , to me they are purely energy in motion, therefore where focus goes energy flows.  It is based on these principles that we can really start to understand how our body and nervous system in particular,  react to any given situation and produces the emotions and feelings that cause us to behave in a certain way.

Are there some emotions which are more significant than others with regard to conflict,  what are they?

Below is a summary of some different emotions that can be typically hard to manage for many people, and how they relate to conflict. 

Anger: When appropriately expressed, anger can be a fire for change. Only when it's misdirected, or inappropriately expressed, is it destructive. Recognising and accepting our own anger will provide the impetus for change. Off-loading it onto others, making ''them the bad guys", gives away our personal power and often leaves us stuck with the problem.

Resentment: This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or for a hurt we feel. It's an ''export job'' – a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self-righteous. It's often easier to feel resentment rather than to take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation.

 Hurt: Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering. The alternatives are often to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment. All of these contribute to the escalation of conflict. Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt than our anger. When talking about our anger, we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.

Guilt: Guilt can be very self-destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us. It can be productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and then move on by seeking to understand the source of our guilt. It is then that we can choose what needs to be done to resolve it. All we may be able to do is decide not to do what we did again, in a similar situation. Or we may be able to learn a new way of behaving.

 Regret: Often when we show anger or resentment, we are also hiding regret. We have great difficulty in experiencing and expressing the pain and sorrow under the anger and resentment. Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret. Regret is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfulfilled potential of a situation. It is often the last emotion before we let go of the ''if only's'' and reach a place of acceptance.

 Fear: We often experience this when we feel out of control of a situation. Fear arises from our interpretation of what the outcome will be: physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way. Separating the interpretation from the reality, and becoming centred within ourselves will allow us to choose appropriate action. Fear warns us that we feel out of control and need to proceed with caution and perhaps get some help or gather more information.

You can find more about recognising emotions in my other resources  "How do You Feel Today?" and ''Accepting Our Emotions''.

Expressing Our Emotions                                    

What are some of the ways we express or deal with our emotions? 

One-off or short term techniques are useful when we're unable to deal completely with the emotion at the time e.g. in a meeting, at a social function, or other setting where it's inappropriate. On-going or long term techniques are those which we build into our daily lives to release tension.


one-off
breathe deeply
take time out
doodle
stamp your foot
snap a pencil
tear up a piece of paper
have a cup of tea
on-going,
exercise
talk
listen
meditate
cuddle
write a journal

What happens if we don't express our emotions? 

·       ill health
·       stress
·       withdrawal
·       explosion
·       diminished capacity to experience pleasure and happiness.


What prevents us from expressing our emotions?

·       cultural expectations
·       family background
·       workplace and social decorum
·       self-image

Does this mean that we often have no alternative than to suppress, or is there another option?    
YES , you don't need to suppress or contain your emotions , you can consciously choose to HANDLE IT !!

You can effectively handle your emotions through understanding and recognising the cycle of emotion.   

                  CYCLE  OF EMOTION


We all have certain things, situations, or people that  cause us to lose our composure from time to time.  Determine what causes YOU to “lose your cool” by  completing this activity .  Make a list of all the things or factors that get you a little wound up they may be factors that cause you to feel, aggravated , angry , depressed, scared , worried  , now get familiar with them !!!  We call these things you have identified  "stressors" When you begin to identify your stressors, you can become skilled at preventing  negative consequences.

So you are aware of what triggers your emotions , now what ?


It is important to have a plan , how will you try to handle your emotions when they fire off in your body , and under certain situations . Emotions as I said earlier are energy in motion , and they are our body's way of sending signals and or communicating. That is why it is extremely important to have communication goals for our emotions. Below are some broad goals you may choose to adopt that will enable you to explore your response to the various stressors on the  list  you created 


FIVE GOALS in communicating emotions:


            Aim:    to avoid the desire to punish or blame
                        To improve the situation
                        To communicate my feelings appropriately
                        To improve the relationship and increase communication
                                    To avoid repeating the same situation


The level of understanding, or our emotional intelligence sometimes refereed to as EQ , affects the quality of our lives because it directly influences our behaviour and in turn our relationships. Increasing our level of emotional understanding or intelligence  allows us to make more conscious choices about how we see different events and circumstances in our everyday lives, enabling use to manifest or bring about the type of changes we want rather than those we feel have just shown up as a result of our circumstances. 

By understanding and managing our emotions and influencing our actions we can better communicate , are less likes to be stressed or experience anxiety and are well equipped to handle the complexity of day to day relationships and challenges. Emotional regulation develops our ability to prevent reacting on raw feelings and is based on the ability to give ourselves the skills and time to handle and manage unpleasant emotions, and find a productive and more acceptable way to express them.  

Friday 29 April 2016

Equine Equilibrium Circles , rebalance, reconnect and find your true self.

I am excited to announce the introduction of Symmetry Saturday’s at Konect Equine. One Saturday a month we will be coming together to create a sacred space, through the facilitation of our new Equine Equilibrium Circles. These mornings are open to anyone wanting to rebalance, reconnect and find your true self.
 
They will be a casual gathering where we gift ourselves the time to become more present, reflect and to seek answers from within. Allowing yourself to step away from the pressure of today's busy lifestyle, and constant demands can be a powerful experience.  Through a personal journey whereby you allow space for, and generate appropriate energies you can find answers to questions you didn't even know required answering.
 
Feeling relaxed and at ease through this entire process, can help you face and accept, answers we may not have wanted to hear.  Being present is key and is the very conduit by which we can increase both our feelings and our performance. 
 
So how can we increase our ability to be present, stay connected, and learn to control our thoughts and actions?  The answer lies in finding these truths through one of the most elegant, powerful and spirited animals to grace the earth, the horse.  These stunning creatures have a highly developed fight or flight instinct, this reaction begins in the amygdala or fear centre of the brain, similar to that of a human, and offers many insights into how we react under pressure. Through interaction and spending time in their presence, the horse can help us develop a better understand of responsibility and self-control .
 
Horses are also very social animals who live in herds, the complex social hierarchy that exists in a natural herd of horses, can provide opportunities to explore the impact of building, and or weaknesses in our own human relationships. 
 
Finally collaborating and sharing these experiences in a group not only gives  one the chance to see things from a number of perspectives, but can also amplify any feelings that may arise , both good and bad, and ultimately aides in developing better emotional intelligence.
 
If you think Equine Equilibrium Circles at Konect maybe for you , register your interest now .  These sessions will go for 1 ½ hour, morning tea/coffee is supplied. Or follow our Konect Equine facebook page to receive notifications of the first scheduled session and other available programs.  
 
 

Wednesday 6 January 2016

Change, how can we achieve it , what matters most and how do we know it will last ?

The start of a new year and everyone is buzzing around with ideas of what will be different this year, what are the new things we want in our lives, or even what do we no longer have room for in our lives.  Reflecting on these things is a really important part of the growth process.  There have been many times when I wished for a magic wand to help deliver all of my goals and dreams immediately (which of course is still yet to happen). However as I have navigated my way through the major and minor events in my life I have become more accustomed and open to accepting change. There is one thing that at times still catches me out, and that is the ability to make a desired change permanent. That is how do I refine my skills to make intentional and ever lasting changes in my life, ones that will bring me joy and satisfaction.  How do people create the life they want and consistently live an abundant life?

Like any thing we need a plan , as the saying goes, if you fail to plan , then plan to fail. Getting some direction in your life, setting goals and having an action plan for creating and managing change is a very important skill.  Imagine how much easier your could navigate through life if you had a step by step formula and a good understanding of how to not only make the desired changes but how to make them permanent . There are a few key areas in the process that can help guide you , start by getting clear about what you want , find your leverage what will make you do it,  remove any barriers, make a commitment to change, and finally take action . 

There a three phases that will consistently appear in most of the change management literature I have seen , the preparation stage, administering the evolution , and making the change permanent.  These principles can apply in all areas of our lives, our business / work environment as part of new projects, our home life in terms of changing behavior and especially in our relationships.  Arming ourselves with knowledge is paramount in gaining confidence in our ability to take control of the decisions and ultimately the direction in which our life is going. 

I have spent quite a few years fine tuning these processes and skills,  and through developing my understanding of change management and how our minds work,  the power and potential of applying these skills has become apparent. I have been exceptionally lucky to have equine partners that have both stood by and assisted me in gaining better insight into not only the process of change, but also the journey inward. The one where I have delved deep inside myself to reconnect with my true self and discover my core beliefs.  I am ever grateful for my graceful and powerful horse partners , because without their spiritual guidance an help to create increased self awareness I would have not had the knowledge or courage to take the first step.

I am so in awe of the horses ability to bring out individual strengths, weaknesses and desires that in 2016 I will be adding performance and change management programs to my equine facilitated learning options.  These programs will be designed to develop skills to specifically create and implement change in our lives, and can benefit everyone from individuals / family's seeking assistance with changing unwanted behaviours to teams and or businesses looking for support with new projects and or managing resistance to change from employees.  Register your interest via phone or email (details available here) or email now Register interest now

Wednesday 2 December 2015

Konect Equine is launching new remote programs & youth camp in 2016



Last week Konect farewelled two very much loved team members. The ponies Tippy Toes and Serenity went to live with my extended family in outback Australia. It was a very sad and tough journey but they are both safe and happy in their new home and i cannot wait to visit them. Although this is sad news , something that is great about the process is that on the journey I was able to asses the option of running a rural youth camp next year. This along with other exciting developments including delivery of equine sessions to remote areas and the launch of Konect Performance and Change Management programs is making 2016 very promising. Watch this space ..... 

 
 
Register you interest via email emma_gander@hotmail.com or via Facebook

Sunday 15 February 2015

Consider who you surround yourself with, it can make a difference

Be mindful of those you surround yourself with, others can unknowingly have either a positive or negative effect on the way you feel. As feelings directly influence our quality of life and our ability to react in the moment this is something you should give fair consideration. I know when I work with or team up my horses I always give thought to how their individual energy will impact what we are trying to achieve. Same goes for circles of friends, or peers. Think about how being near them can make you feel or behave. Is it a positive or negative influence, do you think you become a better or poorer you for having them in your life . Do they respect how you feel and let you be your authentic self , or do you feel like you need to become someone who is different to your true self to be accepted. Do you feel encouraged and accepted by these friends , is their a sense of trust , or does being near them make your consider violating your morals and or doing things you would not normally do in order to be accepted. As an individual you should feel confident enough in the beauty of who you are to truly express and be accepted as yourself, if your in a situation where this is not the case perhaps take a step back and consider if this is right for you. Take steps to fully understand who you are and be comfortable in your own skin , once you are these decisions and many others will be so much easier.
Come and try a self discovery session at Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre visit our facebook page  https://www.facebook.com/KonectEquineWisdomandWellnessCentre