Wondering how horses can help us with developing our emotional intelligence ?

Its not new information that horses are a highly sensitive and intelligent species, interestingly however they also have a magnificent ability to tune into their surroundings . It goes without saying as a prey animal , this instinct is imperative for their survival in the wild. The ability to read and analyse stimuli for danger quickly and accurately has served this species well for thousands of years. 

The fact horses can read the facial expressions of another species is a pretty big deal.

It is because of this very unique ability that humans are still drawn to horses, and a big part why these animals continue to play an extremely beneficial role. In a fast paced world that has long outdated the need for the horses more traditional role where they were harnessed for speed and power, we are discovering a deeper more sophisticated role for horses where we not only embrace their presence but can learn and grow with them. 

Wondering how horses can help us with developing our emotional intelligence..... A new study talks about the fascinating way a horse reacts when it knows you’re angry.study It shares some amazing insights into understanding how horses can read our emotions much better we think. Its all about understanding how the right and left brain works 

The research isn't just cool — it uncovered a big "first." And it says a lot about how emotionally intelligent horses actually are.

How to create Richer Relationships, Five Goals in communicating emotions

Identifying emotions and their impact can be an extremely effective way to create richer and more amicable relationships in our everyday lives.

A simple way to start is to just become aware of our emotions, where specifically do you experience emotions , in what part of your body ? How does it feel ? For example

•  ''butterflies'' and churning in the stomach

•  stiffness: tight muscles and tension in neck, shoulders, jaw, chest

• headache

What effect do emotions have on the outcomes of our everyday activities , do our emotions change the way we react to a certain situation. Does it cause our attention to shift away from the issue and toward the emotion. Perhaps it  inhibits listening and expression of concerns , or  leads to suppression and avoidance of the issue because it's too uncomfortable.

I am sure there has been a time in your life when your emotions were overwhelming , what happened then ? Did your emotions take over, were you screaming , crying , perhaps your were physically or verbally violent to people you care about.

What are emotions , to me they are purely energy in motion, therefore where focus goes energy flows.  It is based on these principles that we can really start to understand how our body and nervous system in particular,  react to any given situation and produces the emotions and feelings that cause us to behave in a certain way.

Are there some emotions which are more significant than others with regard to conflict,  what are they?

Below is a summary of some different emotions that can be typically hard to manage for many people, and how they relate to conflict. 

Anger: When appropriately expressed, anger can be a fire for change. Only when it's misdirected, or inappropriately expressed, is it destructive. Recognising and accepting our own anger will provide the impetus for change. Off-loading it onto others, making ''them the bad guys", gives away our personal power and often leaves us stuck with the problem.

Resentment: This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that blames others for a situation or for a hurt we feel. It's an ''export job'' – a way of holding others apart from us, to maintain a position of being right, superior or self-righteous. It's often easier to feel resentment rather than to take responsibility for other feelings, or for changing the situation.

 Hurt: Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt. Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering. The alternatives are often to withdraw, to seek revenge or to feel resentment. All of these contribute to the escalation of conflict. Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt than our anger. When talking about our anger, we may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.

Guilt: Guilt can be very self-destructive when we allow it to gnaw away at us. It can be productive when we allow ourselves to feel it fully, and then move on by seeking to understand the source of our guilt. It is then that we can choose what needs to be done to resolve it. All we may be able to do is decide not to do what we did again, in a similar situation. Or we may be able to learn a new way of behaving.

 Regret: Often when we show anger or resentment, we are also hiding regret. We have great difficulty in experiencing and expressing the pain and sorrow under the anger and resentment. Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression of regret. Regret is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the unfulfilled potential of a situation. It is often the last emotion before we let go of the ''if only's'' and reach a place of acceptance.

 Fear: We often experience this when we feel out of control of a situation. Fear arises from our interpretation of what the outcome will be: physical or emotional hurt, or consequences that will diminish us or our circumstances in some way. Separating the interpretation from the reality, and becoming centred within ourselves will allow us to choose appropriate action. Fear warns us that we feel out of control and need to proceed with caution and perhaps get some help or gather more information.

You can find more about recognising emotions in my other resources  "How do You Feel Today?" and ''Accepting Our Emotions''.

Expressing Our Emotions                                    

What are some of the ways we express or deal with our emotions? 

One-off or short term techniques are useful when we're unable to deal completely with the emotion at the time e.g. in a meeting, at a social function, or other setting where it's inappropriate. On-going or long term techniques are those which we build into our daily lives to release tension.

one-off breathe deeply take time out doodle stamp your foot snap a pencil tear up a piece of paper have a cup of tea

on-going, exercise talk listen meditate cuddle write a journal

What happens if we don't express our emotions? 

·       ill health

·       stress

·       withdrawal

·       explosion

·       diminished capacity to experience pleasure and happiness.

What prevents us from expressing our emotions?

·       cultural expectations

·       family background

·       workplace and social decorum

·       self-image

Does this mean that we often have no alternative than to suppress, or is there another option?    

YES , you don't need to suppress or contain your emotions , you can consciously choose to HANDLE IT !!

You can effectively handle your emotions through understanding and recognising the cycle of emotion.   

                  CYCLE  OF EMOTION

We all have certain things, situations, or people that  cause us to lose our composure from time to time.  Determine what causes YOU to “lose your cool” by  completing this activity .  Make a list of all the things or factors that get you a little wound up they may be factors that cause you to feel, aggravated , angry , depressed, scared , worried  , now get familiar with them !!!  We call these things you have identified  "stressors" When you begin to identify your stressors, you can become skilled at preventing  negative consequences.

So you are aware of what triggers your emotions , now what ?

It is important to have a plan , how will you try to handle your emotions when they fire off in your body , and under certain situations . Emotions as I said earlier are energy in motion , and they are our body's way of sending signals and or communicating. That is why it is extremely important to have communication goals for our emotions. Below are some broad goals you may choose to adopt that will enable you to explore your response to the various stressors on the  list  you created 

FIVE GOALS in communicating emotions:

            Aim:    to avoid the desire to punish or blame

                        To improve the situation

                        To communicate my feelings appropriately

                        To improve the relationship and increase communication

                                    To avoid repeating the same situation

The level of understanding, or our emotional intelligence sometimes refereed to as EQ , affects the quality of our lives because it directly influences our behaviour and in turn our relationships. Increasing our level of emotional understanding or intelligence  allows us to make more conscious choices about how we see different events and circumstances in our everyday lives, enabling use to manifest or bring about the type of changes we want rather than those we feel have just shown up as a result of our circumstances. 

By understanding and managing our emotions and influencing our actions we can better communicate , are less likes to be stressed or experience anxiety and are well equipped to handle the complexity of day to day relationships and challenges. Emotional regulation develops our ability to prevent reacting on raw feelings and is based on the ability to give ourselves the skills and time to handle and manage unpleasant emotions, and find a productive and more acceptable way to express them.  

Only light can drive out the dark, changing your state of mind.

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you felt surrounded by emotional darkness, in a position where you found it very hard to focus on the positive things, a time where you felt that nothing was working and generally unwanted, unloved or even worthless?

I’m sure at some point everyone has experienced a similar feeling in their lives. What can you do to help bring yourself out of this negative or bad emotional state? There are several strategies one of my favorite is to use the principal that only light can drive out the dark. What I mean by that is to consciously change your focus from negative to positive, it’s not always easy but being aware of your current state, and what you can do to change it can be a wonderful fist step to intentionally spending more time in a better state, in a frame of mind that serves yourself and others in a positive way.  

I like to use a strategy I learnt called emotional flooding. The process involves thinking of as many positive aspects, things, people in your life as possible, and visualize these positive things entering your body and filling your heart with joy. As these positive thoughts, memories dreams flow into your mind your nervous system will start to feel joy, your body posture and physiology will change, and you will start to feel more grateful and happy. Together the process will change your state of mind, and will start to train the nervous system how to feel good and focus on the positive. The more you do this the easier it will be for your body to move to a positive state and out of a negative one.  Of course the reverse is also true. Where focus goes energy flows. 

Empowerment, Self Confidence & Awareness

The meaning of empowerment according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition, is to equip or supply with an ability; to enable. The true force of empowerment can be felt when a person allows oneself to completely and wholly embrace this meaning , feeling free to utilise to its fullest such an ability . In today's modern society where we have access to a large amounts of information, at a fast pace and easier than we have ever had before, one would think we have never been in a better position to equip ourselves with knowledge....but just how much does this translate into ability and in turn empower us to live a life we dream of? 

The term empowerment is used seemingly freely in the modern era , we aim to empower employees, empower our children and ultimately empower ourselves. So just what is empowerment? I set out to discover not just the meaning of it, but the process behind achieving it.

The Personal Empowerment Institute of suggests you can learn to harness your authentic power enabling you to experience true joy and inner peace, by following nine steps .This process which includes establishing clear purpose and direction , thinking with your heart and honouring your true self would seem to be a great start. In saying that how do you begin to define such a purpose and direction?

Upon not only my personal journey but those documented by many others a very good first step is to begin to look inward. By that I mean becoming familiar with who you truly are , and what it is you bring to this world. Attune yourself with your core values and become the person you are most comfortable being. This includes the socio-psychological concept of self-confidence.

There are many factors that may affect self-confidence , or the self-assuredness in one's personal judgement, ability, and power.  These factors include social networks, activities, perception of self, and perceived perception by others. It may extend to body image and physical and emotional health. Understanding yourself through a personal discovery journey, can help you to gain wonderful insights into how your beliefs and emotional awareness impact your everyday life. In particular area's including sense of worth, resilience and ability to cope may be impacted as part of this process. 

Working with horses helps instill trust, self-esteem and confidence. Communicating and making a connection with animals who are full of grace and power is in itself a challenge, and when successful can be very rewarding. Awareness of one’s personal presence and physical being, having knowledge and consciousness is the foundation of good communication, in particular with equines.  The true leverage and benefit of positive interaction with horses can be found in the process of learning in the moment. That is not only are you discovering truths about yourself by receiving immediate and honest feedback, but to succeed you need not only acknowledge this feedback but process and apply new skills and levels consciousness. 

Learning or development of knowledge is a major step which contributes to empowerment, however translation of this knowledge into living consciously and being self confident and aware to me are a fundamental part of the process. Equine facilitated learning is key in enabling all these components to engage and create new mind maps and ways of thinking. When one understands and accepts who they are, the possibilities are limitless. 

  
Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre

Cognitive-behavioural treatment programs for children with anxiety, what makes them effective?

Given the high number of children I have visiting my facility experiencing anxiety, to help me gaining an understanding of what can help to overcome and manage the symptoms I undertook some research. I focused on evaluating the CBT based approach. The studies which included intervention programs both school and non school based, delivered mostly in group settings, and treatments delivered to children at a variety of ages from as young as 4 years old. Components of each intervention including structure and content, delivery methods, participant age and parent or teacher involvement were evaluated. Common themes between each of the interventions and a summary of the outcomes are established and key components evaluated.

This investigation has given me , and Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre the opportunity to review program content and delivery to ensure we are helping in the best way possible. One area of interest is the meaningful contribution to positive outcomes family involvement can have. I am looking at ways to further incorporate parents into sessions with the goal of transferring knowledge and skills to them as well.

Feel free to check out the full article here >>>>  The efficacy of Cognitive-behavioural treatment programs in reducing symptoms of anxiety disorders and promoting resilience in children

Desensitizing what it means for the horse, what it means for the human.

Creating an awareness of physiological and muscular reactions within oneself creates an understanding of the impacts of anxiety. By consciously and systematically training your body, through exposure to feared situations, you can effectively desensitize yourself, and your mind, to certain environments and or situations. 

This process which can be seen as a type of relaxation training , can be an effective method for dealing with anxiety and or related internalising disorders, or simply just as a way of managing or overcoming fear. Systematic desensitization can be employed in a number of ways, imaginal desensitization for example through the use of visualisation techniques, or in invo desensitization where the actual feared object or situation is employed. Another technique is through an experiential learning session with horses. 

Experiential, or in other words observed, pragmatic , realistic , down-to-earth , or practical manner is very much my preferred mode of delivery for this type of mind-body training.  Coming into contact with grace, power and beauty (all elements displayed by the deeply spiritual animal that is the horse), in an attempt to learn about ones self and the impact of physiology, sounds more like fun than a deeply profound learning journey to me. 

Not surprisingly desensitizing and sensitizing horses plays a part in training and communicating with horses. You can desensitize a horse by applying a stimulus, such as your hand or brush, on a certain part of the horses body ,  or a rope or halter on their face,  until a particular response is eliminated, for example accepting the stimulus and not moving away from it. By completing this process in a kind and systematic way you can teach the horse to accept them , i.e have no response. The reverse is also true you can sensitize a horse to a particular aid or cue teaching the horse to move away from that pressure. This approach to communicating with horses creates a very good foundation for learning about our individual methods of communication. Interacting with a horse in will give your immediate feedback about not only your body language/physiology but also speak volumes about your focus and language methods. The horse will see exactly what your feeling or projecting, and react in an way which will help discover your authentic self. Horses are extremely present and live in the moment , and they are masters at helping us do the same. 

Integrity, assumptions & Trust , Why they are important when communicating with horses.

Today some very important lessons were themed into one of my morning equine facilitated learning sessions. These were based on the principals of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. When communicating with horses these fundamentals are important and helped in a lot of  areas within today's workshop. Firstly  agreement 1 - Be Impeccable with your word , speak with integrity. Applying this when communicating especially with a horse is imperative , say only what you mean. If you avoid confusing the message with all sorts of  "white noise" or irrelevant misleading information, we get our intention across much easier. When a horse sees and feels congruence, or everything seems to be in alignment,  it will be more accepting and trusting of our requests. Basically you need to not just say and show what you mean , you must also feel it. Your intention needs to match your actions. Build trust by showing you are capable, dependable and fair. "Use the power of your word in the direction of of truth and love". This ties very closely with number 3 - Don't make assumptions . If you express what you really want,  and communicate clearly, you are better able to avoid misunderstandings . 2 -Not taking anything personally is another extremely important one when interacting with horses , they do not hold a grudge nor have an ego . This is why we need to ensure we do not let our emotions take control of our actions. If this happens and we let our fear, aggression, or frustration project onto the horse, we will only receive the same back. It will also destroy any trust that has been established. Self awareness and regulation of emotions are key to building a relationship and communicating successfully with a horse. 4 - Always doing your best is the most important approach here, if you are always doing your best in the moment and you remain flexible chances are you will succeed. Today was a very windy morning and this contributed to the challenge we undertook with the ponies. The wind added many elements to our fun session,  and required us to pay extra attention not only to self awareness, but our communication methods. In order to do this we needed to raise our consciousness in relation to our personal physiology , focus and language. We wanted to give not only ourselves but the horses the best chance of succeeding after all this was a first time attempt at trying to drive the horse from the ground.

How can a horse help you find peace?

An equine facilitated learning session can help us understand why we feel anxious and uncertain, it can also lead us to discover many other things.  When you place yourself in the present moment and focus only on you, the animal and the now, it ignites the mind body connection process. During interaction with horses we allow ourselves to connect and understand new ways of communicating including non verbally.  The changes and personal growth that unfolds is guided purely by feel, and is unique to each and every person, lucky enough to spend time in the presence of these amazing, wonderful and nurturing animals.  Horses have the most magnificent soul, capable of guiding us on personal awakenings and journeys beyond imagination. The following article explains in detail the wonderful insights and  magical moments that can happen when horses and human connect in an authentic and open way.  Please take the time to read and understand the possibilities benefits and joy that awaits.


Meet Your New Therapist. He's Wise, Compassionate...And Likes To Eat Hay

Master your emotions

What benefits could you get from understanding the factors that impact our emotions or how we feel?  These interesting facts about how physiology can affect emotion, can positively impact our self awareness, and bestow us with,  the ability to choose the emotion we want to experience in a given situation. How can we control our emotions through physiology. There is more to this then just smiling , you need to really physically show the emotion you want to feel , within your body in order to self generate that emotion. It is in our make up , ingrained within our physical being,  the ability react and respond to the everyday situations that we are faced with . We do this unconsciously , we react so to speak . How much do you pay attention to your body, and what it is experiencing and or feeling ? Also do you ask why do I feel this way? Is there a reason,and is that reason justified , or am I just unconsciously feeling that emotion. Watch this video where renowned psychologist and emotion-guru Paul Ekman describes how introducing conscious awareness to facial expressions can help one override and control their emotions. 

 

Building Trust and Connecting with a horse

Creating a connection with a horse, and or another person calls for a certain amount of self awareness. How will you choose to interact with and treat them, will you consider how they see the world , can you show empathy for what is going on in their world? This video is a wonderful demonstration of how important it is to develop "an unspoken contract with the horse" , one that is based on trust, peace and kindness. Gaining that immediate connection and building a trust and bond allows for a more authentic relationship and lowers the need for concern. Klaus says he will "present himself in a clear and decided way". This is not so as to change the horse , but to break the outer shell and get through to the true inner of the horse. What kind of benefits could you get by interacting with people or beings that you know, care for, and love in this way. What impact could lifting your self awareness and empathy have on your life, relationships and general well being and happiness. Watch video here >>>>>> Immediately connecting with horses

Discord Amongst the herd - How is your herd (family) getting along, are you all in disagreement, constant conflict and friction, or is your herd a harmonious heaven?

 In a herd of animals such as horses there are times when you are more likely to find disharmony occurring, such as at feeding time, when new herd members are introduced, or when there are other disruptions or events that may cause uneasiness.  We too experience these events and or disruptions in our day to day lives which can and do result in changes to our herd (family) dynamics.  Interestingly horses are naturally very social creatures and are dependent on each other for safety. Safety is not just a should for a horse it is a must! What I mean by that is horses depend on each other for survival; the reason for this is that they are prey animals and have a strong sense of self –preservation.  What lessons could we learn from observing the herd dynamics and gaining an understanding of certain times and or triggers that can result in disharmony or upset amount herd / family members?  Horses are very good at understanding their role within the herd, and show not only understanding but respect and commit to their place and individual responsibility in the herd. For example horses know who is the leader, and will respect and look to them for guidance. While others lower in the herd, while not always less important, are content and happy with their role. Together they form a strong interdependent bond that helps them fulfill their primary goal of safety and survival. The work together as a team and communicate clearly with each other. Consider how this compares to your family or personal relationship, do you all respect each other?  Is there an agreed upon leader? Do you all communicate with each other clearly? Do you all understand your role?  Are there times and or events which constantly trigger conflict or arguments? 

What is Conscious Communication

Clearly communicating what your needs wants and desires are is not only a very important skill, but one that can assist in your overall emotional well being. I believe communication is a skill we should invest considerable effort in fine tuning. It is not something that is learned once and then never improved upon or reviewed. If we think about the varied number of not only methods, but other beings that we communicate with over our life time, it will start to provide you with an understanding of how we need to be not only flexible, but aware of how we, and others around us communicate.  By increasing our self awareness and understanding the impact of how we communicate, not only can we improve relationships but in the process become more conscious of the impact we have on those around us.  Such an understanding results in greater empathy and happiness within our lives. We start to feel more confident, capable of expressing ourselves and more in control of our emotional state. Follow this link to a simple process that will help you become a master of conscious communication.... conscious-communication process

More support for the effectiveness of Equine Interaction

The therapeutic value of interaction with horses is becoming more and more documented . This article shows how "Health professionals say horses can reflect our emotions to bring relief from addiction and stress" . The horse provides very good feedback in relation to a person and or persons emotional well being. 


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The horse as a partner

Employing horses to teach people is no foreign concept. There are many people around the world drawing on the unique attributes of our equine friends to provide opportunities for personal growth and self discovery. In particular the lessons we can learn from non verbal communication are incredibly valuable. Our fast paced rapidly changing environment, with its increasing reliance on technology provides limited situations in which we need to use these skills. Its seems a natural conclusion that given many of school aged children and preschool for that matter, all of who have experienced a heavy presence of technology for their entire lives, may be lacking and or have underdeveloped skills in these areas, . As a result of this reduced awareness of non verbal communication and understanding of body language, we find many not just youth but adults experiencing lower self-esteem, lack of confidence, and inability to successfully establish boundaries .We rarely knowingly and willingly practice or refine these skills. One explanation may be that when communicating with people we are less likely to receive immediate and accurate feedback on how effectively we communicate. This lack of human feedback can be a result of a number of factors, and may vary from individual to individual, however when we interact with a horse you will find it will provide immediate and accurate feedback on your communication skills and body language. To gain trust and respect from a horse you need to find within yourself the ability to master your emotions, become acutely aware of your body language, and provide confident and believable leadership. Without these or an awareness of these skills partnering with a horse will most likely prove to be difficult.