Self-abandonment does it affect your ability to receive love

If you love with all your heart, you put unconditional pure love and intention out there with the hope of it reaching a soul mate, but they are not open and willing to accepting that love, can love still exist? 

It seems that any chance of a connection appears limited or blocked in someway by the unacceptance of love , not matter how much is offered. Weather this be a conscious or subconscious choice, one cannot create love if one does not first accept it.  If this is true can we then suggest that love must come first from the self? 

Take the following extract on self-abandonment written by  Dr. Margaret Paul

When we are disconnected from ourselves — from who we really are and from our feelings — and when we are not filling ourselves with love through our spiritual connection, we create a black hole within. The black hole we’ve created through our self-abandonment becomes like a vacuum, trying to pull love from others. This neediness tends to push people away, so we end up feeling even more unloved.

If you feel alone, empty, anxious, depressed, hurt, angry, jealous, sad, fearful, guilty or shamed, you are likely abandoning yourself.

What can someone feeling like this or experiencing this do to gain new insights, to remind yourself of the things you had forgotten how do you reclaim yourself?  Perhaps revisit old places and discover something you hadn’t previously noticed, take a fresh look on everything that you have in your life, find new ways to experience joy, spend time to discover who you are through self-reflection. Whatever it is, I believe this process of discovery is one that requires you to open not just your mind but your heart.

What is love .......

The following explanation from psychology today talks about what love is and what it isn't.

Love is bigger than you are. You can invite love, but you cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. You can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like lightening, unpredictable and irrefutable. You can even find yourself loving people you don't like at all. Love does not come with conditions, stipulations, agenda, or codes. Like the sun, love radiates independently of our fears and desires.

Is this why we can still love someone who has caused us pain, or someone who behaves in ways that are contrary to our personal morals and beliefs? Perhaps this is why we might find solace in telling ourselves “don’t hate the person, hate the behavior”. Is it because love is actually separate to behaviour….. and has an existence of its own. Perhaps this is why sometimes it doesn’t matter what happens to us, when we have a connection that love knows under its own law, maybe we bound by it....maybe love doesn’t happen to us …but for us. 

ReclaimYourself >>>>>

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Equine Equilibrium Circles , rebalance, reconnect and find your true self.

I am excited to announce the introduction of Symmetry Saturday’s at Konect Equine. One Saturday a month we will be coming together to create a sacred space, through the facilitation of our new Equine Equilibrium Circles. These mornings are open to anyone wanting to rebalance, reconnect and find your true self.

 

They will be a casual gathering where we gift ourselves the time to become more present, reflect and to seek answers from within. Allowing yourself to step away from the pressure of today's busy lifestyle, and constant demands can be a powerful experience.  Through a personal journey whereby you allow space for, and generate appropriate energies you can find answers to questions you didn't even know required answering.

 

Feeling relaxed and at ease through this entire process, can help you face and accept, answers we may not have wanted to hear.  Being present is key and is the very conduit by which we can increase both our feelings and our performance. 

 

So how can we increase our ability to be present, stay connected, and learn to control our thoughts and actions?  The answer lies in finding these truths through one of the most elegant, powerful and spirited animals to grace the earth, the horse.  These stunning creatures have a highly developed fight or flight instinct, this reaction begins in the amygdala or fear centre of the brain, similar to that of a human, and offers many insights into how we react under pressure. Through interaction and spending time in their presence, the horse can help us develop a better understand of responsibility and self-control .

 

Horses are also very social animals who live in herds, the complex social hierarchy that exists in a natural herd of horses, can provide opportunities to explore the impact of building, and or weaknesses in our own human relationships. 

 

Finally collaborating and sharing these experiences in a group not only gives  one the chance to see things from a number of perspectives, but can also amplify any feelings that may arise , both good and bad, and ultimately aides in developing better emotional intelligence.

 

If you think Equine Equilibrium Circles at Konect maybe for you , register your interest now .  These sessions will go for 1 ½ hour, morning tea/coffee is supplied. Or follow our Konect Equine facebook page to receive notifications of the first scheduled session and other available programs.  

 

 

Change, how can we achieve it , what matters most and how do we know it will last ?

The start of a new year and everyone is buzzing around with ideas of what will be different this year, what are the new things we want in our lives, or even what do we no longer have room for in our lives.  Reflecting on these things is a really important part of the growth process.  There have been many times when I wished for a magic wand to help deliver all of my goals and dreams immediately (which of course is still yet to happen). However as I have navigated my way through the major and minor events in my life I have become more accustomed and open to accepting change. There is one thing that at times still catches me out, and that is the ability to make a desired change permanent. That is how do I refine my skills to make intentional and ever lasting changes in my life, ones that will bring me joy and satisfaction.  How do people create the life they want and consistently live an abundant life?

Like any thing we need a plan , as the saying goes, if you fail to plan , then plan to fail. Getting some direction in your life, setting goals and having an action plan for creating and managing change is a very important skill.  Imagine how much easier your could navigate through life if you had a step by step formula and a good understanding of how to not only make the desired changes but how to make them permanent . There are a few key areas in the process that can help guide you , start by getting clear about what you want , find your leverage what will make you do it,  remove any barriers, make a commitment to change, and finally take action . 

There a three phases that will consistently appear in most of the change management literature I have seen , the preparation stage, administering the evolution , and making the change permanent.  These principles can apply in all areas of our lives, our business / work environment as part of new projects, our home life in terms of changing behavior and especially in our relationships.  Arming ourselves with knowledge is paramount in gaining confidence in our ability to take control of the decisions and ultimately the direction in which our life is going. 

I have spent quite a few years fine tuning these processes and skills,  and through developing my understanding of change management and how our minds work,  the power and potential of applying these skills has become apparent. I have been exceptionally lucky to have equine partners that have both stood by and assisted me in gaining better insight into not only the process of change, but also the journey inward. The one where I have delved deep inside myself to reconnect with my true self and discover my core beliefs.  I am ever grateful for my graceful and powerful horse partners , because without their spiritual guidance an help to create increased self awareness I would have not had the knowledge or courage to take the first step.

I am so in awe of the horses ability to bring out individual strengths, weaknesses and desires that in 2016 I will be adding performance and change management programs to my equine facilitated learning options.  These programs will be designed to develop skills to specifically create and implement change in our lives, and can benefit everyone from individuals / family's seeking assistance with changing unwanted behaviours to teams and or businesses looking for support with new projects and or managing resistance to change from employees.  Register your interest via phone or email (details available here) or email now Register interest now

Konect Equine is launching new remote programs & youth camp in 2016

Last week Konect farewelled two very much loved team members. The ponies Tippy Toes and Serenity went to live with my extended family in outback Australia. It was a very sad and tough journey but they are both safe and happy in their new home and i cannot wait to visit them. Although this is sad news , something that is great about the process is that on the journey I was able to asses the option of running a rural youth camp next year. This along with other exciting developments including delivery of equine sessions to remote areas and the launch of Konect Performance and Change Management programs is making 2016 very promising. Watch this space ..... 

 

 

Register you interest via email emma_gander@hotmail.com or via Facebook

Consider who you surround yourself with, it can make a difference

Be mindful of those you surround yourself with, others can unknowingly have either a positive or negative effect on the way you feel. As feelings directly influence our quality of life and our ability to react in the moment this is something you should give fair consideration. I know when I work with or team up my horses I always give thought to how their individual energy will impact what we are trying to achieve. Same goes for circles of friends, or peers. Think about how being near them can make you feel or behave. Is it a positive or negative influence, do you think you become a better or poorer you for having them in your life . Do they respect how you feel and let you be your authentic self , or do you feel like you need to become someone who is different to your true self to be accepted. Do you feel encouraged and accepted by these friends , is their a sense of trust , or does being near them make your consider violating your morals and or doing things you would not normally do in order to be accepted. As an individual you should feel confident enough in the beauty of who you are to truly express and be accepted as yourself, if your in a situation where this is not the case perhaps take a step back and consider if this is right for you. Take steps to fully understand who you are and be comfortable in your own skin , once you are these decisions and many others will be so much easier.
Come and try a self discovery session at Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre visit our facebook page  https://www.facebook.com/KonectEquineWisdomandWellnessCentre

Only light can drive out the dark, changing your state of mind.

Have you ever found yourself in a position where you felt surrounded by emotional darkness, in a position where you found it very hard to focus on the positive things, a time where you felt that nothing was working and generally unwanted, unloved or even worthless?

I’m sure at some point everyone has experienced a similar feeling in their lives. What can you do to help bring yourself out of this negative or bad emotional state? There are several strategies one of my favorite is to use the principal that only light can drive out the dark. What I mean by that is to consciously change your focus from negative to positive, it’s not always easy but being aware of your current state, and what you can do to change it can be a wonderful fist step to intentionally spending more time in a better state, in a frame of mind that serves yourself and others in a positive way.  

I like to use a strategy I learnt called emotional flooding. The process involves thinking of as many positive aspects, things, people in your life as possible, and visualize these positive things entering your body and filling your heart with joy. As these positive thoughts, memories dreams flow into your mind your nervous system will start to feel joy, your body posture and physiology will change, and you will start to feel more grateful and happy. Together the process will change your state of mind, and will start to train the nervous system how to feel good and focus on the positive. The more you do this the easier it will be for your body to move to a positive state and out of a negative one.  Of course the reverse is also true. Where focus goes energy flows. 

Empowerment, Self Confidence & Awareness

The meaning of empowerment according to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fifth Edition, is to equip or supply with an ability; to enable. The true force of empowerment can be felt when a person allows oneself to completely and wholly embrace this meaning , feeling free to utilise to its fullest such an ability . In today's modern society where we have access to a large amounts of information, at a fast pace and easier than we have ever had before, one would think we have never been in a better position to equip ourselves with knowledge....but just how much does this translate into ability and in turn empower us to live a life we dream of? 

The term empowerment is used seemingly freely in the modern era , we aim to empower employees, empower our children and ultimately empower ourselves. So just what is empowerment? I set out to discover not just the meaning of it, but the process behind achieving it.

The Personal Empowerment Institute of suggests you can learn to harness your authentic power enabling you to experience true joy and inner peace, by following nine steps .This process which includes establishing clear purpose and direction , thinking with your heart and honouring your true self would seem to be a great start. In saying that how do you begin to define such a purpose and direction?

Upon not only my personal journey but those documented by many others a very good first step is to begin to look inward. By that I mean becoming familiar with who you truly are , and what it is you bring to this world. Attune yourself with your core values and become the person you are most comfortable being. This includes the socio-psychological concept of self-confidence.

There are many factors that may affect self-confidence , or the self-assuredness in one's personal judgement, ability, and power.  These factors include social networks, activities, perception of self, and perceived perception by others. It may extend to body image and physical and emotional health. Understanding yourself through a personal discovery journey, can help you to gain wonderful insights into how your beliefs and emotional awareness impact your everyday life. In particular area's including sense of worth, resilience and ability to cope may be impacted as part of this process. 

Working with horses helps instill trust, self-esteem and confidence. Communicating and making a connection with animals who are full of grace and power is in itself a challenge, and when successful can be very rewarding. Awareness of one’s personal presence and physical being, having knowledge and consciousness is the foundation of good communication, in particular with equines.  The true leverage and benefit of positive interaction with horses can be found in the process of learning in the moment. That is not only are you discovering truths about yourself by receiving immediate and honest feedback, but to succeed you need not only acknowledge this feedback but process and apply new skills and levels consciousness. 

Learning or development of knowledge is a major step which contributes to empowerment, however translation of this knowledge into living consciously and being self confident and aware to me are a fundamental part of the process. Equine facilitated learning is key in enabling all these components to engage and create new mind maps and ways of thinking. When one understands and accepts who they are, the possibilities are limitless. 

  
Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre

Cognitive-behavioural treatment programs for children with anxiety, what makes them effective?

Given the high number of children I have visiting my facility experiencing anxiety, to help me gaining an understanding of what can help to overcome and manage the symptoms I undertook some research. I focused on evaluating the CBT based approach. The studies which included intervention programs both school and non school based, delivered mostly in group settings, and treatments delivered to children at a variety of ages from as young as 4 years old. Components of each intervention including structure and content, delivery methods, participant age and parent or teacher involvement were evaluated. Common themes between each of the interventions and a summary of the outcomes are established and key components evaluated.

This investigation has given me , and Konect Equine Wisdom and Wellness Centre the opportunity to review program content and delivery to ensure we are helping in the best way possible. One area of interest is the meaningful contribution to positive outcomes family involvement can have. I am looking at ways to further incorporate parents into sessions with the goal of transferring knowledge and skills to them as well.

Feel free to check out the full article here >>>>  The efficacy of Cognitive-behavioural treatment programs in reducing symptoms of anxiety disorders and promoting resilience in children

Desensitizing what it means for the horse, what it means for the human.

Creating an awareness of physiological and muscular reactions within oneself creates an understanding of the impacts of anxiety. By consciously and systematically training your body, through exposure to feared situations, you can effectively desensitize yourself, and your mind, to certain environments and or situations. 

This process which can be seen as a type of relaxation training , can be an effective method for dealing with anxiety and or related internalising disorders, or simply just as a way of managing or overcoming fear. Systematic desensitization can be employed in a number of ways, imaginal desensitization for example through the use of visualisation techniques, or in invo desensitization where the actual feared object or situation is employed. Another technique is through an experiential learning session with horses. 

Experiential, or in other words observed, pragmatic , realistic , down-to-earth , or practical manner is very much my preferred mode of delivery for this type of mind-body training.  Coming into contact with grace, power and beauty (all elements displayed by the deeply spiritual animal that is the horse), in an attempt to learn about ones self and the impact of physiology, sounds more like fun than a deeply profound learning journey to me. 

Not surprisingly desensitizing and sensitizing horses plays a part in training and communicating with horses. You can desensitize a horse by applying a stimulus, such as your hand or brush, on a certain part of the horses body ,  or a rope or halter on their face,  until a particular response is eliminated, for example accepting the stimulus and not moving away from it. By completing this process in a kind and systematic way you can teach the horse to accept them , i.e have no response. The reverse is also true you can sensitize a horse to a particular aid or cue teaching the horse to move away from that pressure. This approach to communicating with horses creates a very good foundation for learning about our individual methods of communication. Interacting with a horse in will give your immediate feedback about not only your body language/physiology but also speak volumes about your focus and language methods. The horse will see exactly what your feeling or projecting, and react in an way which will help discover your authentic self. Horses are extremely present and live in the moment , and they are masters at helping us do the same. 

Integrity, assumptions & Trust , Why they are important when communicating with horses.

Today some very important lessons were themed into one of my morning equine facilitated learning sessions. These were based on the principals of "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. When communicating with horses these fundamentals are important and helped in a lot of  areas within today's workshop. Firstly  agreement 1 - Be Impeccable with your word , speak with integrity. Applying this when communicating especially with a horse is imperative , say only what you mean. If you avoid confusing the message with all sorts of  "white noise" or irrelevant misleading information, we get our intention across much easier. When a horse sees and feels congruence, or everything seems to be in alignment,  it will be more accepting and trusting of our requests. Basically you need to not just say and show what you mean , you must also feel it. Your intention needs to match your actions. Build trust by showing you are capable, dependable and fair. "Use the power of your word in the direction of of truth and love". This ties very closely with number 3 - Don't make assumptions . If you express what you really want,  and communicate clearly, you are better able to avoid misunderstandings . 2 -Not taking anything personally is another extremely important one when interacting with horses , they do not hold a grudge nor have an ego . This is why we need to ensure we do not let our emotions take control of our actions. If this happens and we let our fear, aggression, or frustration project onto the horse, we will only receive the same back. It will also destroy any trust that has been established. Self awareness and regulation of emotions are key to building a relationship and communicating successfully with a horse. 4 - Always doing your best is the most important approach here, if you are always doing your best in the moment and you remain flexible chances are you will succeed. Today was a very windy morning and this contributed to the challenge we undertook with the ponies. The wind added many elements to our fun session,  and required us to pay extra attention not only to self awareness, but our communication methods. In order to do this we needed to raise our consciousness in relation to our personal physiology , focus and language. We wanted to give not only ourselves but the horses the best chance of succeeding after all this was a first time attempt at trying to drive the horse from the ground.

How can a horse help you find peace?

An equine facilitated learning session can help us understand why we feel anxious and uncertain, it can also lead us to discover many other things.  When you place yourself in the present moment and focus only on you, the animal and the now, it ignites the mind body connection process. During interaction with horses we allow ourselves to connect and understand new ways of communicating including non verbally.  The changes and personal growth that unfolds is guided purely by feel, and is unique to each and every person, lucky enough to spend time in the presence of these amazing, wonderful and nurturing animals.  Horses have the most magnificent soul, capable of guiding us on personal awakenings and journeys beyond imagination. The following article explains in detail the wonderful insights and  magical moments that can happen when horses and human connect in an authentic and open way.  Please take the time to read and understand the possibilities benefits and joy that awaits.


Meet Your New Therapist. He's Wise, Compassionate...And Likes To Eat Hay

Master your emotions

What benefits could you get from understanding the factors that impact our emotions or how we feel?  These interesting facts about how physiology can affect emotion, can positively impact our self awareness, and bestow us with,  the ability to choose the emotion we want to experience in a given situation. How can we control our emotions through physiology. There is more to this then just smiling , you need to really physically show the emotion you want to feel , within your body in order to self generate that emotion. It is in our make up , ingrained within our physical being,  the ability react and respond to the everyday situations that we are faced with . We do this unconsciously , we react so to speak . How much do you pay attention to your body, and what it is experiencing and or feeling ? Also do you ask why do I feel this way? Is there a reason,and is that reason justified , or am I just unconsciously feeling that emotion. Watch this video where renowned psychologist and emotion-guru Paul Ekman describes how introducing conscious awareness to facial expressions can help one override and control their emotions.